I had a rehearsal for a family wedding last night, and the first thing the priest had to say after greeting parents was that he was so glad that the bride and groom weren't living together already, especially since that's less and less the norm these days. As he went on, it became apparent that he wasn't just talking about the couple being chaste before marriage, but about them not sharing a living space. He apparently considered the latter to be, if not quite as bad as the former, at least a serious mistake. The priest actually went on at some length about how every time he sees a couple that's lived together get married, they don't last more than five years, that they're "playing house" and tiptoeing around each other until they get married, after which they show their true (apparently unpleasant) selves, that things ought to be done the way they always used to be done, with the couple going straight from their parents' homes to establishing a home together.
I found it kind of upsetting and over-judgemental, because not only do I personally know at least one couple who lived together before marriage for financial reasons (they had separate rooms and kept chaste, but his apartment lease ran out four months before the wedding and neither of them saw any point in renewing it for another year and throwing over half a year's rent away), but if Dunadwarf and I got married, because he'd be moving across the country to me, we'd almost have to live together for a month or so while he established himself, and, honestly, both of us think it would make a lot more sense for him to contribute his "rent" into the mortgage on my house and split the utilities than for him to end up paying more for less space and comfort, and have nothing to show for it when he joins me at the house post-wedding. I know that temptation is always an issue when you live with your significant other, and that you have to be wise and wary, but I think that if you can manage it, there's nothing sinful about just sharing a roof. It certainly makes more sense economically to pool your living expenses sooner rather than later if you're both already independent, as opposed to going straight from mom and dad's to the marital abode (I don't think there's anything wrong with marrying from your parents' home, but I resent the implication of the priest that it's the "correct" or at least "best" way to go, and I think there's a LOT to be learned from having to get by solo for a while).
I just wanted to see what others thought about this topic, and if some of the married folks could offer their perspectives. Is living together before marriage (just living!) sin? Unwise? Symptomatic of other problems? Or, conversely, it it a good trial run? Wise financial move? Mere personal preference?
I found it kind of upsetting and over-judgemental, because not only do I personally know at least one couple who lived together before marriage for financial reasons (they had separate rooms and kept chaste, but his apartment lease ran out four months before the wedding and neither of them saw any point in renewing it for another year and throwing over half a year's rent away), but if Dunadwarf and I got married, because he'd be moving across the country to me, we'd almost have to live together for a month or so while he established himself, and, honestly, both of us think it would make a lot more sense for him to contribute his "rent" into the mortgage on my house and split the utilities than for him to end up paying more for less space and comfort, and have nothing to show for it when he joins me at the house post-wedding. I know that temptation is always an issue when you live with your significant other, and that you have to be wise and wary, but I think that if you can manage it, there's nothing sinful about just sharing a roof. It certainly makes more sense economically to pool your living expenses sooner rather than later if you're both already independent, as opposed to going straight from mom and dad's to the marital abode (I don't think there's anything wrong with marrying from your parents' home, but I resent the implication of the priest that it's the "correct" or at least "best" way to go, and I think there's a LOT to be learned from having to get by solo for a while).
I just wanted to see what others thought about this topic, and if some of the married folks could offer their perspectives. Is living together before marriage (just living!) sin? Unwise? Symptomatic of other problems? Or, conversely, it it a good trial run? Wise financial move? Mere personal preference?