On being insensitive (contains offensive subjects)

People used to tell me that I was insensitive, to which I would glibly reply, "That hurts my feelings." My list of sins includes: laughing during a mandatory date-rape prevention video during college (a character did something I thought was funny); describing an author's work as unsuitable for children and too childish for adults; telling people they're stupid or thick for taking a particular action or holding a particular belief; and most recently, referring to one of my daughter's friends as "she".

It is this last one that causes me the most trouble. I have learned to couch my criticism more gently and to not tell people when they are being stupid. I've even learned to take my humorous cues from the audience instead of the film, after earning a dirty look from my wife for snickering during a particularly emotional scene in a movie (not my fault, the whole setup was ludicrous).

In grad school, I had a classmate break into a debate I was having with another student. She informed me that the discussion couldn't be resolved because the difference in our Emotional Quotients was too great. (We were studying Human Resource Management at the time.) I snorted and replied, "This whole EQ garbage is retarded," which effectively ended the discussion.

One of the hardest lessons I've learned from the SBU forums is that when people are offended by you, they do not listen to you. I have never been particularly bothered by this. But Paeter's ministry constantly reminds me that people look to us as representatives of Christ and that our responsibility is to speak into their lives for Christ. This is incredibly difficult, more so when I don't know what words I'm allowed to use.

I'm not allowed to refer to people as "black" because the current phrase is "African-American" - except for my friend Christian is who from Jamaica and my friend Ryan who is from Atlanta and they take offense at being told they're from Africa. I'm not supposed to call people "Indians" unless they are from India, where half the population prefers to be called "Hindu" instead. My friend Buck kindly informed me that "Native American" is insulting as well, because his father was Comanche and his mother is Choctaw, which makes him a member of both tribes. He also informed me that I am a Native American, being born in Texas. Buck's traditions refer to the Choctaw and Comanche tribes (as well as a few others) as "the People" and other nationalities, including tribes such as the Apache (with whom the Comanche are traditionally enemies) as "not the People". You can read more about Buck here.

But my daughter's friend has me flummoxed. I'm aware of gender identity issues, but I live in the midwest. That stuff belongs in the land of fruits and nuts. She is a sweet young lady. She is much like my daughter. They get together to talk about anime and giggle about boys - whom they generally agree are sweaty creatures who look at them strangely. But daugher's friend dresses in male fashion, has a boy's haircut, refuses to answer to her own name (she goes by "Link", he favorite video game hero), and prefers to be referred to as "he". My daughter informed me that it is polite to honor this request. I replied absently that it is grammatically incorrect, not a matter of preference.

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say.

So.... words of wisdom and especially prayers are needed. Thank you.