Getting married for the wrong reasons

I've know a lot of people who have/are getting married and some have only been dating a couple of month. Now I know that some Christians feel that people can't be a service to the church until their married (I believe that's unbiblical in fact I seem to remember Paul saying the opposite was true)
Now I also know that there is a lot of temptations/desire to have sex and most Christians want to do what’s right and wait until they're married but I think if sex is the only reason why someone is getting marriage then maybe they should just have sex without marriage because both mess with what God intended marriage to be.
Now I don't know the people who are getting married well enough to judge them and say they're getting married for the wrong reasons but it wouldn’t surprise me if some of them are. So what your thoughts about this? Am I totally wrong and is there now wrong reason to get married?

That's a tough one. Marriage is sometimes a complicated issue in our culture because we focus so much on the romantic side of things and how that person makes me feel. So when they don't make you feel that way any more, so many people just bail out and go find someone else who makes them feel good. I know nothing about the situation and I'm not trying to pass judgment, but from what you've said it sounds like that's where this couple may be, which is kinda an warning sign.

And your assertion to go ahead and have sex before they're married is flawed too -- remember it's never right to do wrong. That is assuming you have to choose one evil in the situation so you're trying to pick the lesser of two evils... which just isn't true. And of those two, I would say the marriage option would be the better; because I don't think it would really be a sin unless they got divorced (as a result of marrying for the wrong reason).

I mentioned "our culture" because divorce is so easy in our culture. But we are in a culture where we're free to choose our spouse. God hates divorce, and that started even back when the marriages were arranged. So your dad hooks you up with a toothless knappy-head...you're stuck for life. The emphasis that this couple needs to think about is the commitment to the marriage. They're committing to God that they will stay with this person until death. Are you willing to stick with this person no matter how they make you feel (e.g. sick of their depression and all they do is sit there..they won't do anything any more). No matter what they look like in 30 years (e.g. fat, toothless knappy-head). No matter what their health is like (e.g. having to feed them baby food and change their diaper due to some car accident).

In conclusion... marrying for sex isn't right; marrying for money isn't right; marrying for love isn't right. Marrying because it's the will of God for your life is what's right. But more important than the reason...sticking with the decision is what's right -- even if down the road you think you chose the wrong person. Once you've determined that they are the person God wants for you to spend the rest of your life with, don't put it off any longer than you have to because those passions (and the temptations) will continue to grow. Hopefully for the rest of your lives together.

P. S. Whoever says non-married people can't serve in a church is just plain wrong. Paul wasn't married. If I remember right Timothy wasn't married. I'm sure there's more. Anyway...

WhiteBoy wrote:
P. S. Whoever says non-married people can't serve in a church is just plain wrong. Paul wasn't married. If I remember right Timothy wasn't married. I'm sure there's more. Anyway...

I have to agree with WhiteBoy on this particular statement. Both single people and married couples can happily and effectively serve in the church and serve God. As a single person for so many years, I was still able to server as a middle school youth volunteer. A minor way of serving, but still able to be part of Go's ministry.

Now that I'm married, I continue in that role, but I can also be effective in other forms of ministry for couples, newly married couples just starting out, plus I have a different outlook on how my own relationship with God grows with the addition of a spouse.

Being married and serving God aren't directly related. God will use people inn whatever circumstance they are in as He sees fit. It's the willingness to server that is important.

The other thing to remember when getting married is where is your relationship with God and where is your spouse's? Believers are warned not to be yoked with non-believers (2 Cor 6:14), but we area also told in 1 Cor 7:14 that the unbeliever is sanctified through their believeing spouse. Is 2 Cor 6:14 directly related to the "yoking" through marriage? There's a lot of debate on what the "yoked" is specifically meaning, and I think Paul meant it in a broad sense.

The best (and truthfully only) reason for marriage is because God has put it on a person's heart that someone is the right one for them. All other considerations (looks, fame, wealth, etc) are of the world, and therefore, counter to God's intent (to my understanding).

And of course, my statements are far from authoritative. It's just my understanding of scripture and teachings.

My wife and I have been married for 32 years. We only dated 7 months, and that was when I was on the road as a long haul driver. So length of dating is no indicator of right or wrong reasons. I severed the church long before I was married, in fact the pastor preferred unmarried people because they could focus better. If a church says you should be married to serve, they don't know the Bible. If a church isn't following the Bible why are they here? Having sex before marriage can cause even more problems. Part of waiting is self discipline. I you can't wait before, what is to stop you from stepping out on your spouse? People nowadays have no self discipline most times. Just my two cents.

Rickster wrote:Now I also know that there is a lot of temptations/desire to have sex and most Christians want to do what’s right and wait until they're married but I think if sex is the only reason why someone is getting marriage then maybe they should just have sex without marriage because both mess with what God intended marriage to be. (...) So what your thoughts about this? Am I totally wrong and is there now wrong reason to get married?

Rickster, I agree with you (and others here) that there are indeed more than one potentially wrong reasons to get married, several of which have already been mentioned.
I also agree with you that getting married just to be able to have sex, would be one of those wrong reasons.

Somewhat related to that (like a variant cover of the same issue ) would be the following:
Maybe some of the couples you are thinking of have not been able to withstand the temptations of the flesh and are now getting married because they feel guilty about it and think that this is now what they should do if they ever want to stand pure before God again. So not getting married TO have sex, but getting married BECAUSE they've had sex - perhaps this is what you are sensing from some of them.

I wouldn't be suprised if more than 50% of the Christian couples that are engaged to be married fail their intended celibacy. Can you imagine the enormous weight of guilt and shame (them feeling guilty and ashamed I mean) pressing down our church communities because of it? I think it's still somewhat of a taboo. Who wants to admit they've not been able to remain celibate during their relationship/engagement? I guess that would depend on the amount of grace and love that your fellow church members would be willing to show you, so it probably varies from church to church how honest engaged couples really are in talking about their struggles let alone confessing their sins.

But having slept with someone should never be your main reason to marry them. God didn't have a guilt trip in mind when He instated the marriage institute.
Also, we can never wash away our own sins by doing something ourselves; having "married sex" doesn't make up for the "unmarried sex" you've had before you got married, even if it's with that same partner and even if that partner was indeed your "God-ordained spouse".

Only Jesus can make us whole and pure again, by forgiving our sins.
How fortunate we are that we can go to Him every day to get cleansed by His blood and walk in grace.

So, should we have sex outside of marriage? Of course not.
But IF we fail and fall, we shouldn't call a wedding planner; we should run to Jesus and confess our sin, and be pure again as He tells us "Go, and sin no more."