The Universe Declares

Well, a month ago I got up the spare time and energy to type up what I'd written down of my story so far. I would post it up here, but it'd turn into a giant wall of text that I despise. So instead if it's alright with the Paeter it'd just be easier to link it to my blogwhere I originally had it typed up. There's been a few minor changes since then, but not a whole lot

I welcome any criticism on any level.

Honestly? I don't know what characters you intend to use in your universe, so this suggestion may throw your plans way off base:

I would drop the "War of Religion" background, and ease the anti-religion of the universe. Historically persecution has strengthened Christianity . . . so a war against it that has essentially wiped it out doesn't personally ring true for me. I would have the religions of the world lose most of their influence, followers and meaning. They're not dead, but they've become complacent, and almost forgotten by the masses.
But then I would pick up in the hydroponics gardens where a Christian/monastic movement is happening (although very slowly). This concept is absolutely fantastic.

Again, without knowing what sort of characters/settings you have in your universe, I think your story would work very well with one of these gardeners (even if he/she isn't the main characters).

Anyhow . . . just my thoughts. Take 'em or leave 'em.

Thanks for sharing!

Happy Writing!

tmorrill wrote: if it's alright with the Paeter it'd just be easier to link it to my blogwhere I originally had it typed up.

Yep, that's cool by me!

Nathan James Norman wrote:
I would drop the "War of Religion" background, and ease the anti-religion of the universe. Historically persecution has strengthened Christianity . . . so a war against it that has essentially wiped it out doesn't personally ring true for me. I would have the religions of the world lose most of their influence, followers and meaning. They're not dead, but they've become complacent, and almost forgotten by the masses.

I see what you mean, maybe I didn't explain it well enough or I'm off base on it and it won't really effect my characters since it'll be 400ish years before any of the characters get introduced.

Basically it'll be a quick and short nuclear (and conventional) exchange between several countries in the Middle East (Israel and Iran being main players in it) that bleeds over into a few Western cities getting hit with dirty bombs basically changing the geopolitical landscape of the earth, and effectively marginalizing Islam on the global scale. This is also going to be the catalyst that makes people realize we're sticking all out eggs in one basket by not expanding past the Earth which helps in the push for space exploration and colonization.

There won't be any actual persecution of Christianity (or religion in general beyond what there is now), it'll be through advances in technology and continuing moral/social decline that leads to the decline of the church.


The gardeners will be relatively important in the plot, mostly the first one as a witness to the main character, and in the third one that's how he's going to earn his keep on the journey to the alien planet. Once I finish the prologue I'm gonna sit down and hash out the main characters then do some free writing for their background.

tmorrill wrote:

The gardeners will be relatively important in the plot, mostly the first one as a witness to the main character, and in the third one that's how he's going to earn his keep on the journey to the alien planet. Once I finish the prologue I'm gonna sit down and hash out the main characters then do some free writing for their background.

Sounds awesome!

This just in, I hate writing dialouge.

tmorrill wrote:This just in, I hate writing dialouge.

Really?! I like writing dialogue more than narrative/exposition.
I think I like dialogue because I like to move stories forward through character interactions and inter-personal conflict.


I'm curious . . . do you know why you don't like dialogue? \

I just finished "A Princess of Mars" and there was very little dialogue in this hundred year old classic . . . so you're not in bad company.

I think part of it is it's my first time doing any story writing since probably my junior year of high school (7 or 8 years ago now) so it's just hard for me to get back into the swing of it.

It's like running the first time after you've stopped for a while, the first couple times will be rough.

tmorrill wrote:This just in, I hate writing dialouge.

I'm in your camp, man. Dialogue is something I work extra hard at to get right, to differentiate characters, to keep natural, and to keep from degenerating into irrelevancy. Tough stuff.

mindspike wrote:

tmorrill wrote:This just in, I hate writing dialouge.

I'm in your camp, man. Dialogue is something I work extra hard at to get right, to differentiate characters, to keep natural, and to keep from degenerating into irrelevancy. Tough stuff.

This just in, I love writing dialogue. But I HATE keeping track of continuity and the logistics of plotting. In the first Spirit Blade, one scene refers to Raan losing his left arm, and then another scene refers to him losing his right arm! Didn't even notice till after the release!

My solution?

Make it clear at some point in Dark Ritual that he, uh... he lost BOTH arms. Yeah, THAT'S right. And I meant it to be that way all along...yeah...

I didn't even think of continuity! WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO!

However, with a complete lack of disregard for continuity I could be a good writer for Enterprise or Voyager if they were still around!

tmorrill wrote:
However, with a complete lack of disregard for continuity I could be a good writer for Enterprise or Voyager if they were still around!

Bwaahahahahahahahaha haaaa haaa haaaa! You just made my day!

Well, after a year or so I've made some progress on the main story, but have currently misplaced that file somewhere... Which is annoying to say the least, and says a lot about my file management. Anyway, here's the rough draft of the first bit of the short story/novella I've been writing in this universe that I might end up putting into the main novel later on in some sorta way.

Anyway, if y'all got some feedback I'd appreciate it.

EDIT:
http://travisdm.blogspot.com/2013/03/effectual-calling.html guess I should include the link, huh?