5 Great Ideas for a Christian Video Game (satire)

I got an email from Christian news satire site The Babylon Bee today that I thought might be of particular interest to the video game fans here. I couldn't find the article on their actual website, and I can't really share the email itself here, so I'll just copy and paste it below. I think that might be kind of legal...? Anyway, I did not write this:

5 Great Ideas for a Christian Video Game

Christian video games, unlike Christian news satire websites, have sadly lagged behind their secular counterparts. While mainstream developers pump out innovative titles like Overwatch, Breath of the Wild, Anthem, and Far Cry 17, Christian developers put out mostly junk. There was that old game in the early 2000s where you shot Roman soldiers with laser beams out of a sword to convert them to Christianity. There was that weird game for the NES where you chucked animals onto Noah's Ark. And that's pretty much it.

Well, Christian developers, Christmas must have come early this year, because we at The Babylon Bee want to offer you some game concepts, completely free of charge. What??? That's right. You don't even have to credit us if you make a smash-hit, AAA video game based on one of these absolutely gold pitches.

Here are no less than five great ideas. Faith-based game developers, what are you waiting for? Get coding!

1.) A dating simulator where you play Solomon trying to juggle the demands of all 800 of his concubines. - Navigate all the landmines that come with having hundreds of women in your harem! Exciting stuff.

2.) An action game where you're a Sunday school teacher trying to survive a horde of 3-4-year-olds. - Think like Gears of War's horde mode but with gross, sticky 3-year-old kids attacking you with glue and glitter.

3.) Tetris rethemed into stacking chairs after a church service. - Show you're a truly spiritual Christian by stacking up all the chairs after church ends! As a bonus, you win the hand of the cutest girl in the youth group if you get a high score.

4.) A stealth-based, Metal Gear Solid-style game where you try to sneak into the church service without making any small talk with the greeters. - Snake, watch out for that overzealous church greeter on your flank. Snake? SNAAAAAAAAKE!!!!

5.) Megachurch Tycoon - It's pretty much just RollerCoaster Tycoon. Build roller coasters, fun rides, and attractions to get the masses to come to your business---err, we mean, church!

What can we say except "You're welcome!"

https://babylonbee.com/

Nice. I've played Noah's ark, but only saw the "shoot romans with a lazer sword" game on the shelf. Yikes.

I think this is probably fair satire when it comes to Christian games and the AAA market. However its worth pointing out that Christian video games (depending on how you define the term) have made some real steps forward in the indie space in the last 5 years.

Paeter wrote:I think this is probably fair satire when it comes to Christian games and the AAA market. However its worth pointing out that Christian video games (depending on how you define the term) have made some real steps forward in the indie space in the last 5 years.

Looking over it again, I think it's also meant as a satire of Christian culture in general, using video games as a means to get the thoughts out there.