Do You Have People Over?

Informal survey time!

Was just thinking about how content I am to be by myself most of the time, and how that results in me not inviting people over very often these days. Although I've recently had someone over on a weekly basis for lunch to help him work through some marital stuff and every three weeks my mentor comes over for our meeting. I used to host a monthly game night when I served in our college/20s ministry, but have done nothing like that in our home for about a year or more. I think in general, since social stuff usually empties rather than fills me, I'm inclined for it to be purposed around something... I don't know... intentional, in an obvious sense. (As opposed to recreation, which can have purpose and intention, but in less immediately obvious ways, if that makes sense.)

My wife says, after listening to some podcast that used him has an example for a personality type, that I'm like Mr. Darcy from Pride & Prejudice. We're both inclined to practical conversation topics, with less skill and certainly less patience for "small talk".

This played out right in front of me a day or so later when I had a guy over for a very intentional time of conversation purposed toward our mutual spiritual growth. The meat of our time was great. But I felt awkward on the bookends, welcoming him in and seeing him off at the end. Where little bits of chit-chat usually fall, I struggle.

Anyone here ever have anyone over to their home in the last year that wasn't family or a significant other? A friend for a movie night? Some buddies for a game night? A small group for a Bible study? What was the reason for the visit? How often would you estimate you have someone over in your home in order to spend time with them?

I usually have friends over when they are guesting on the podcast, or more recently a gaming stream. And i would say this happens about a handful of times a year. I wish we had friends over for board game nights, but that seems to be more challenging, I think because of the ages my kids are at and when they go to bed.

I am with you on akwardness at the bookends of the evening - happens to me too if it is a newer friend or one that like to talk a lot (I'm like dude the we have been standing at the door for you to leave for 15 min and you are still talking to me about xyz, time to grow in patience I suppose )

My super power is introversion lol, so I generally don't feel the need to have people over, or even to go to other people. (And yes, I know there is a Biblical concept of hospitality - something I'm certainly not strong in). Case in point - my wife and kids have gone away for a few days because it's school holidays. I wasn't able to go because of my workload at present (cue great cries of sympathy for me). I'm working from home these two days. I haven't left the house or had contact with another human being since 7:00AM yesterday, and probably won't see another human until I go into the office tomorrow. I'm totally cool with that.

I do have a friend that I'll occasionally invite to come over to watch Doctor Who. He's a massive fan of the classic stories, and has a very large collection, so he'll bring a DVD of a story I want to see, or that he wants to show me. We'll have a meal and then we (him, me and my wife) will watch the episode.

A few years ago, I led a (very) small mentoring group as part of the young adult ministry of our church. Me and two other guys would talk about what was happening in our lives. Share prayer points etc. These were productive times, but looking back, it was the greeting and farewelling that I found especially awkward, so I think I'm with you on that as well.

I'm content to be alone a lot of the time, and when I do interact with others who aren't my wife, it's not at our home. Our house is small and pretty far from almost all of my friends. Keep in mind also that most of use use public transportation or bicycles to travel around here; I only know a couple of people with cars, and it's pretty troublesome even for them to get to where we live.

The size of our house coupled with my natural tendency to not want to inconvenience others makes it more practical to meet people either at their homes or at some neutral place like a restaurant or coffee shop. I do sometimes feel bad that I can't at least attempt to exercise hospitality more often (though I'm pretty sure I don't have the gift of it).

As for interacting with people, I'm good with small talk when I'm with certain people with whom I have a good rapport. When it's someone who I've only recently met or otherwise don't have a handle on...basically, how seriously they take things, then I can be pretty awkward.

fxruizx wrote: (I'm like dude the we have been standing at the door for you to leave for 15 min and you are still talking to me about xyz, time to grow in patience I suppose )

Yeah, I can definitely relate. And at the same time, a number of geeks I've had over don't seem to have any internal clock indicating when it's time to go. They would stay and talk well past my bed-time if I didn't "kick them out"! Eventually I just had to learn a casual, gentle, but clear way to let certain guests know "I have some things I need to get to". And thankfully (possibly because of that same disconnect from certain etiquette or norms) they don't ever seem to be bothered by it.


Thanks for your transparency, guys! Sounds like a number of us have the same feelings and struggles when it comes to hospitality!

As I've seen this in myself and considered how common it probably is among a lot of geeks, I was thinking about polishing and redefining what I've been calling our "Agape Geekout" events. Up until now I was defining them as having the main ingredients of fundraising for a cause that helps someone in need and doing something in-person with others at the same time. The idea was that Extra-Life was our community "Agape Geekout" event for the fall and we would do something else every spring.

We missed last spring because I was caught up in our move. But I'm thinking that might indirectly help me hit the reset button on Agape Geekouts in order to redefine the concept a little.

I haven't been referring to Extra-Life as an Agape Geekout at all this time around. I think I'll just let it be its own thing. But maybe around May I'll try to create something to rally our community around that isn't necessarily about fundraising, but is in some way a call to be relational and hospitable.

There seems to be a growing number of people in the US who feel deeply but don't know how to persuade through reasonable conversation, which results in them just exploding at some point, since they don't know how else to bring about change. As we see more angry protests turning violent, and as internet exchanges become increasingly nasty, I'm increasingly convinced that believers need to prioritize exercising our relational skills and equipping those 10-20 years younger than us to do the same. In just 2-3 decades we may live in "civilized" countries where relationships and conflict resolution are just broken. (Can you imagine an entire crop of leaders governing our cities and countries who[never mind their policies] have only withered and atrophied skills in conversing, empathizing and resolving conflict?) Voices of patience and reason will be so important and could very well have considerable influence.

Anyway, here endeth the rant. Caffeine is kicking in and making me type more.

No concrete ideas about the new form of Agape Geekouts yet, so if you have any thoughts I'd love to add them to the pot for simmering!

Thanks again for sharing on this topic, everyone!

I've been wanting to invite some family and friends over and do a monthly retro game night

Rickster wrote:I've been wanting to invite some family and friends over and do a monthly retro game night

That sounds really cool! Makes me want to take another crack at getting my Atari 2600 HDMI friendly.

How do you make retro systems HDMI friendly? Right now all I need is a N64 that's got an HDMI and I'll be able to stream all of the Nintendo home systems

Rickster wrote:How do you make retro systems HDMI friendly? Right now all I need is a N64 that's got an HDMI and I'll be able to stream all of the Nintendo home systems

Well, depending on your starting connection type, it can be a pretty crazy and unreliable chain of adapters. Last time I tried with my Atari was the my first year doing Extra-Life. I got it working during my test run, but the day of it just wasn't up to it. (Though I think that was mostly on my Atari and signal interference rather than the adapters.)

I can't remember exactly how many adapters were involved, maybe 3? And right now I can't find or even remember one of the adapters in the early or middle part of the chain. But I'll bet you could just do some creative searching on amazon and find what you need.

Rickster wrote:I've been wanting to invite some family and friends over and do a monthly retro game night

I should do that more often - getting one system set up once a month makes more sense than getting half a dozen running once a year as I do at the moment!

UKSteve wrote:

Rickster wrote:I've been wanting to invite some family and friends over and do a monthly retro game night

I should do that more often - getting one system set up once a month makes more sense than getting half a dozen running once a year as I do at the moment!

Sounds like it would give focus to the night, too! Could really milk your enjoyment and conversation about the history and memories of a given system. Cool idea!